This is a bit of a cheat post but my brother and his fiance were staying this weekend. After a heavier post last week I thought I’d go for something lighter this week.
ASD can be funny. People on the spectrum often view the world very differently from neurotypical people, they often take things literally, they like certain routines and order and have very rigid thinking. This can – and often does – lead to problems but it can also lead to more amusing conversations and scenarios.
For instance, my sister was repulsed by Wham’s song Last Christmas for years. I’m sure you’re familiar with it but – if not – the main line is, ‘Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away.’
Aspie Sister’s ASD meant she took it completely literally and imagined a creepy scenario with George Michael literally ripping his heart out of his chest in order to hand this blood covered organ to the object of his love. It took an amusing conversation with me for her to realise there was a metaphor at play and no self-mutilation was actually taking place.
The realisation I’m probably on the spectrum, myself, has brought about many ‘ah…that explains X’ moments. One of these is from when I was a child and is also related to a song. The song I took issue with was not an Emo Christmas pop song but a children’s song: The Farmer’s In His Den. I would assume everyone knows it except Wolf looked at me like I was talking Latin when I mentioned it to him. So, the basic verse structure is:
The farmer’s in his den,
The farmer’s in his den,
The farmer’s in his den.
After the first verse the farmer wants a wife (because, of course he does), the wife wants a child (because…sexism), the child wants a dog (fair enough), the dog wants a bone, and we all pat the bone (at this point all the children pat the ‘bone’ (a child) on the head/shoulders). This ridiculous end is where I took issue because why would you pat a Goram bone??
Small-child-me was not impressed with the illogical ending. I bristled every time I was made to pat the smegging bone. So, come my birthday party I insisted on the other kids patting the dog, which makes sense. Since it was my birthday Mum went along with the demand but the other children didn’t really understand this deviation from the norm and tried to pat the bone as usual whilst I stubbornly patted the dog and ordered them to do likewise.
This is where the cheat part come in because the rest of these are little conversations with Tyger that I have put on the blog’s Facebook page. If you already ‘like’ the page I’m sorry for the repetition (and if you haven’t ‘liked’ it but enjoy these next examples…this is what you can expect from the page…’just saying’ as the yoof of today like to state).
Tyger asked me the name of one of one of his little Duplo men.
Me: Oh, I don’t know. What do you reckon; does he look like a Bob?
Me: Umm…does he look like an Emmanuel?
Me: Does he look like a Harry?
Me: Errrrrr…does he look like a Quin?
Me: What does he look like, then?
Tyger: A boy.
Tyger wanted me to spread his blanket out on the floor. I explained I couldn’t because Bear – sitting on my lap – had only just woken from his nap and would be upset if I put him down.
Tyger asked if Bear would cry and I affirmed Bear would, indeed, cry if put down.
Tyger wandered off and I assumed he’d accepted the situation until he came back wearing his ear defenders.
Tyger: Okay, I’ve got my ear defenders; you can put Bear down and he can cry
Tyger was getting in the way when my mum was trying to look at her tablet.
Mum: You know, my mum used to say to me, ‘You make a better door than a window.’
Mum: My mum used to say to me, ‘You make a better door than a window.’
Tyger: Who’s your mum?
Me: Your great grandma.
Tyger: Okay…I can make a door.
Tyger: Okay, I’ll make you a door. *Wanders off to find something to make a door out of.*
Bless his little Aspie heart.