I’m not a very prolific blogger. I very rarely write more than one blog post a week and, even then, I’m often ‘late’ posting it.
Largely, this is because my days consist of a torrent of noise and demands from the cubs. Even if I am sat not really ‘doing’ anything, I’m unable to focus on something for more than a few seconds without an interruption from one of the boys (even when they’re watching a film I have a constant barrage of: ‘Mummy, who’s that man? Is that the girl’s daddy? My daddy doesn’t have glasses! Why is she running? Is that her house? Where is it? Where’s her mummy?’…etc.).
However, I have another problem with getting blog posts written, which means I suspect I’d struggle even if my life wasn’t constantly punctuated by having to separate the cubs when they fight, letting the dogs in, letting the dogs out, letting the dogs back in again, getting Tyger a drink, asking Bear if he’d like a drink to be told ‘no’, getting Bear a drink because actually he does want one after all…
I find it really hard to settle on a topic for my blog post. And it’s not because I can’t think of one but because I think of too many. I think of a subject and it’s perfect and interesting and I start to construct the post in my mind and it’s going really well and maybe I even think of a couple of humorous asides to add…and then I think it’s getting too long and I should focus down on one point…but then I realise other people might disagree with that point and I start to think about why so I can preempt them and rebut them before they can even make the point…but then I start agreeing with this opposite stance I’m trying to argue against and wonder if I should write about that instead and…it all becomes too complicated.
Last week I tried to write a blog post about autistic ‘shut downs’ (as opposed to meltdowns). I was really interested and asked quite a lot of people I know in real life and online if they’d come across them or suffered from them and how they presented and everything. I wrote most of a post. It’s still sitting there in my drafts but…I got stuck somehow.
I didn’t like the post. It seemed too…bitty. The structure was all wrong and there was no humour and I gave up and posted this list of funny things I’ve said to the cubs in a panic instead.
So, this week I thought I’d finish the post about shut downs.
But I have this block about it now.
|Even my pen’s against me.|
I kept trying to get into it but ended up procrastinating and generally browsing online and saw this blog post has been doing the rounds: She Divorced Me because I Left Dishes By the Sink by Matt at Must Be This Tall To Ride. I suggest you read it but for anyone who hasn’t/doesn’t it’s a post about how ostensibly his wife divorced him because he left dishes by the sink but actually it was a bigger issue of him refusing to accept that to her his repeated refusal to do something that took so little effort on his part but was important to her symbolised a complete lack of love and respect.
I read it and liked it and immediately started to have ideas for a blog post of my own. I’ll give you a heavily cut down inner dialogue of my thought process (I won’t include all the interruptions involving the cubs but, needless to say, there were many):
I’ll write about that and how women are still looked down upon and seen as failures if they don’t keep on top of housework. It doesn’t matter what else they do or whether they’re innately neat people. And women are conditioned to judge themselves by how their house looks and if someone comes round it will be the woman they consciously – or subconsciously – ‘blame’ if it’s not up to scratch. And there are assumptions made about how good a wife or mother or just person she is based solely on whether she’s…dusted or hoovered or whatever. So, of course men don’t understand the big deal; they’ve never had the same pressure put on them. It’s acceptable – and even funny and endearing – for men to be messy.
Actually, that’s reminded me I wanted to write a post about how female Aspies differ from male Aspies and how so many of our anxieties come from having been conditioned by society to try to keep people happy…so we feel a constant sense of guilt and are always trying to keep everyone happy despite knowing we’re not always socially intuitive. That’s what I’ll write about. I’ve been wanting to write that post for a few weeks anyway.
Maybe I can sort of include both the thing about keeping a clean house and…no, it’s getting too complicated!
No, I won’t write about women on the autistic spectrum, anyway; I was going to take a break from writing about ASD for a week or so.
Okay, back to that post about the glass by the dishwasher…I could link to it…but what if Wolf thinks this is a passive aggressive message to him by posting something like that? Hmm…I wonder what he would think of the post.
I wonder if there’s any equivalent thing I do…or don’t do? Maybe DIY. I could write about DIY and how I tend to just leave it to him without thinking about it. Is that the norm and is it really equivalent? Although, I have put up flatpack furniture. And there was that time I put up a spice rack on our larder door.
I liked that spice rack. It wasn’t expensive but it did the job it was supposed to do. I should have removed it from the door when we sold that house; now, I’ll have to buy a new spice rack and there’s a good chance the people who bought the house didn’t even keep it. Poor spice rack.
|‘What did I do wrong? Did I not hold your spices?’|
What can I write about?
I’ll write about this. This right now. I’ll write about how I talk myself into and out of writing about a million different things before settling on one!
I could do an inner monologue type thing and…but is that a bit boring? Will anyone even want to read such ramblings? Isn’t it a cop out to write a blog post about not being able to choose a topic for a blog post?
Ah, frack it. I’ll just write the Goram thing before I end up without anything at all.
There you go. I probably do this with everything in my life, actually, and not just blog posts. No wonder I feel perpetually exhausted but never get anything done.
Please tell me I’m not the only over-thinker out there? (And also let me know if you’d actually quite like to read a post on any of the garbled half-thoughts above and I’ll do my utmost to write one!)